A Real Blonde Bombshell

This morning, the news from Iran is that the Prosecutor General there has grave concerns for it's people over the importation of western toys, specifically Barbie!

The Commissioner of Trade or something of that sort, says that Barbie is a "social danger" and "culturally destructive". I guess I would agree that the plastic icon of a 6'-3" blond woman with a 38-21-34 figure represents a certain social danger anywhere! (It is definitely disquieting to me to even think about!)

This is the same government that puts it's populace in certain jeopardy with every nuclear centrifuge it builds. The same government that sends it's citizens into Iraq to blow themselves up in a group of innocents. The same government that authorizes stoning and whipping of any woman not wearing the appropriate "tent" when out in public. But all of this pales in comparison to the grave threat of Barbie.

Certainly, this is a tool that we can and should employ. A strategic weapon unlike any other.

Here's the plan:
Refit a squadron of B1 bombers to hold hundreds of Barbies in the bomb-bays. Each Barbie to be fitted with a parachute. I know that Mattel still has the tooling to produce these; Ken would never use one, but GI Joe used to have them before he quit the military to become a Social Worker! I'm sure they're stockpiled somewhere.

Of course, each Barbie is to be naked other than the 'chute. Talk about "shock and awe"! (My daughter has a dozen Barbies laying around the house and none of them appear to own clothing, so this is another aspect of western depravity that makes this weapon even more destructive!)

We then fly sortie after sortie of daylight raids dropping hundreds of tons of naked plastic decadence on Iranian cities. Imagine the social impact on the populace. Men running through the streets with their eyes burning out of their heads. Woman tearing off their tents and exposing skin in defiant imitation. Inspired indecency driven by these nude ninjas. Little girls holding them and dreaming of actually having a "life" as a woman. Little boys holding them, and, well.... just dreaming I suppose.

I tell you, this can work!

A psychological weapon that doesn't kill. No radiation. No burning oil fields. No cities in ruins. Just the ecological impact of hundreds of thousands of Barbies that take about 250,000 years to bio-degrade in the sand. (Oh-oh, I can already hear some on the left opposing this weapon!)

Like any strategic weapon, we must protect the supply. The only threat being that China and Iran are allies, and China currently holds the largest stockpile of Barbies. Arrgh!!......this could make them the new superpower!

We'd better get out those old Barbie molds used when we made her right here in the U.S. of A.. That's OK though. I think I remember the old Barbie having even more outrageous proportions anyway. Now that's a killer-body!

Bombshells away!